risky business

It is very much a matter of trust and it seems Mac is trying to work out just how far he should go with his trust for his new teacher’s aides.

He has been working really well with his Mon/Tue Aide… the divine “Ms M” – they do seem to have a great rapport and likely a very good ‘learning team’ in the making.

He does fill her in on some of his secrets but he must have been feeling a little wary about the whole situation.

So he asked her on Monday if …

“you going to coffee shop too” [sic]

Ms M wasn’t sure what this meant or where it was coming from.

Yes, she likes coffee shops…
Sure, she would love to go for coffee…

It wasn’t until we were chatting about how R had come for afternoon tea and how we see her often enough at our/her coffee shop (where she works full time now) but how Mac wasn’t truly believing she would still be in his life and had been ‘smarting a little from his loss’.

Ah-ha… yes… it all became clear.

Mac was checking to see if “Ms M” was going to ‘run off and join the coffee shop too’, checking to see if he should invest too much trust in her, checking to see if he might get ‘hurt’ again.

It actually makes me a little sad to think about the emotions he must be going through to feel the need to check this out and I wish I could protect him from that kind of hurt.

But then it makes me feel glad that even as a seven year old he is mature enough to actually ask the ‘tough question’ to help him protect himself if necessary.

I just hope I can help him find the balance in friendship, trust, resilience and potential loss around that ‘paid to care / personal assistant’ role over which he (we) will essentially have no control for his entire school career.

I hope the school and their ‘rostering choices’ don’t stop Mac from allowing himself to fully engage with his learning support team, if he wants to, out of a fear of being hurt.

It is always a risky business when you give of yourself – particularly coming from his position of relative vulnerability.

I guess we need to continue to check in with him, check how he is going and make sure he is feeling OK with things going on around him.

He did say he was ‘a bit worried’ Ms M might decide to leave when I talked to him about it later that day. Tonight I was able to let him know I spoke to the owner of the coffee shop and he has advised that ‘under no circumstances is he going to offer ‘Ms M’ a job’.    Phew!


Filed under the big picture

3 responses to “risky business

  1. Gina, I have loved learning about Macs start to this school year and am so sorry that Miss R had to leave but am thrilled she is still a big part in your lives.
    I always think as parents we invest so much trust in Integration Aides/Support workers and now it makes me realise how children no doubt invest so much more into them too. They are a huge part of our lives and can really make or break the school experience oxxo

  2. Gina @ https://inkyed.wordpress.com

    Thanks Bron.
    I hope to start finding out more about the Circle of Friends type set up – not to create a formal circle but to get better words and understanding about how to teach the difference between a paid role and a natural support so that Mac can continually be educated about the different roles and understand them a bit better as time goes on.

  3. What a Mum!

    It was a great to meet and chat with you at AGOSCI.

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