risky business

It is very much a matter of trust and it seems Mac is trying to work out just how far he should go with his trust for his new teacher’s aides.

He has been working really well with his Mon/Tue Aide… the divine “Ms M” – they do seem to have a great rapport and likely a very good ‘learning team’ in the making.

He does fill her in on some of his secrets but he must have been feeling a little wary about the whole situation.

So he asked her on Monday if …

“you going to coffee shop too” [sic]

Ms M wasn’t sure what this meant or where it was coming from.

Yes, she likes coffee shops…
Sure, she would love to go for coffee…

It wasn’t until we were chatting about how R had come for afternoon tea and how we see her often enough at our/her coffee shop (where she works full time now) but how Mac wasn’t truly believing she would still be in his life and had been ‘smarting a little from his loss’.

Ah-ha… yes… it all became clear.

Mac was checking to see if “Ms M” was going to ‘run off and join the coffee shop too’, checking to see if he should invest too much trust in her, checking to see if he might get ‘hurt’ again.

It actually makes me a little sad to think about the emotions he must be going through to feel the need to check this out and I wish I could protect him from that kind of hurt.

But then it makes me feel glad that even as a seven year old he is mature enough to actually ask the ‘tough question’ to help him protect himself if necessary.

I just hope I can help him find the balance in friendship, trust, resilience and potential loss around that ‘paid to care / personal assistant’ role over which he (we) will essentially have no control for his entire school career.

I hope the school and their ‘rostering choices’ don’t stop Mac from allowing himself to fully engage with his learning support team, if he wants to, out of a fear of being hurt.

It is always a risky business when you give of yourself – particularly coming from his position of relative vulnerability.

I guess we need to continue to check in with him, check how he is going and make sure he is feeling OK with things going on around him.

He did say he was ‘a bit worried’ Ms M might decide to leave when I talked to him about it later that day. Tonight I was able to let him know I spoke to the owner of the coffee shop and he has advised that ‘under no circumstances is he going to offer ‘Ms M’ a job’.    Phew!

the curious case of the missing ‘R’

Mac’s wonderful aide of 15 months ‘R’ wasn’t able to return to the role this year.  Sadly reduced hours & lack of job security for her just couldn’t meet her needs to support her own family.  That’s the downside for ‘Learning Support Officers’ – jobs they love, jobs they are great at, but jobs that just aren’t that secure.

Mac will miss ‘R’ incredibly  as she will him.  But, he has told us he will “work hard for anyone”.  When Shawn asked him if ‘R’ was in his class after Day 2 he actually gave a sad face – not something that happens very often.  Physically that kind of facial expression is difficult for Mac, so it was impressive to see him manage it when he actually felt the emotion Shawn’s question evoked.  That being said, Mac is nothing if not resilient – so I think he will be OK.

The upside is that R will likely stay involved in Mac’s life ‘outside of school’.  She has made that very important transition from paid support to friend.  This is an important shift  – natural supports are far more valuable than any paid support… ever.

A goal is for Mac is to see his life filled with people who “CARE to CARE” as opposed to those “PAID to CARE”.

Thank you ‘R’ for sharing the most amazing year and a bit with us – what a blast….  and absolutely, we’ll see you ’round.